Week 35+1 – Up to date, what’s happening right now!

This is me, right now. 35 weeks pregnant and whilst I’m constantly told that I look about four months along, I’m about 8 months and this, for me, is huge. So lately what’s been going on? Well, lets start with my mental break down last week.

Last week was our growth scan, our last time seeing our little not so little anymore bean on the screen, before we eventually meet her in person. After being told I was measuring so small, and having early induction mentioned (if growth isn’t on track) I was hoping to have some sort of idea as to whether they’d be, and by they I mean I’d be pushing her out earlier than anticipated. Unfortunately the scan proved to be a bit disappointing. First of all, the doctor doing it said about three words to us and and answered no questions and offered no reassurance, but secondly, our little girl was so far down and tucked away that they pretty much found it impossible to get measurements. This meant we came away with only two measurements from this scan, and now I have absolutely no clue how she’s doing and what the doctors are likely to decide. Sob sob sob. Actually, that’s exactly what I did – sob. Having greater expectations from this scan, where we didn’t even really see our little girl and only had the heartbeat pointed out, well, I was bound to be let down and I absolutely was. This was probably one of the worst days so far.

Right now, I’m waiting for a midwife appointment tomorrow and the consultant appointment to discuss growth next week – very anxiously waiting. I’m battling induction or naturally going into labour in my head and trying to be prepared for both possibilities, but to be quite honest I cannot imagine her coming early. Cue the first time mother freak out. 

I. Know. Nothing (John Snow – sorry). I get frightening thoughts along the lines of, ‘what the hell do I do with a baby..‘ as labour approaches and we actually have this little person to care for and be her entire life system basically. From what I gather they don’t issue an instruction manual at the hosptial, which would be really bloody handy. Hasn’t anybody suggested this?

Maybe I need one of those books – first time parenting for dummies..

Anyway, that’s enough from me. I’ll keep you guys updated this time. 

Week 32 – Hospitals and holidays!

Yeah, pregnancy just gets more and more fun doesn’t it? On this day I’d been decorating the baby’s room all day and probably hadn’t noticed that much that I hadn’t felt the little one moving so much that day. And inconveniently, she decided that the appropriate day to take a day off would be the day before I drove off to London with the mother and nephew. This was a new experience for me though, tight straps wrapped around my belly monitoring her showed a few ups and downs with her heart rate but by the next day she’d settled a bit and movements were back to normal. The frightening thing is that when in the hospital, I was told I was measuring about six weeks behind. Oh dear. I knew I looked small but really, that far behind? 

Growth scan’s coming up so all will be revealed..!

28 Weeks – Pretty big changes..

At about this point, I was starting to feel under pressure about housing. Probably just hormones again, right? Wrong! I was anxiously checking the housing online system every day and on this day, it just so happened to have gone through, woo, we’re getting a house! Wait, are we? Wrong again! Placed in category D, the lowest category, for wanting to simply live independently. I’m sorry, did I not mention the growing child in my uterus that inevitably will make its departure one day and probably require a home to live in. Oh that’s right, I did mention it, but I’m sure the little one would be just as fine crawling about the streets. I’ll make a moses basket out of some bubble wrap and somebody’s recycling bin, shall I? 

A few phone calls later resulting in tears, I’d abandoned us finding a place at all and had to be brought to sanity again by the other half. We looked at a few private rent properties and figured we might as well go see a few, signed up for some viewings and began thinking about going down that road. And god I’m so glad we did, because by this point we had seen a nice two bedroom house that was nice enough inside, perfect size and didn’t have all the crap fees needed to move in. The day later, deposit was down and two weeks later – we had the keys to our very own place! 

Things were actually coming together by this point (..and by coming together, I mean getting scarier – the next step is actually having this baby!?) 

Just in case anyone is reading this and they’re at the ‘pregnant and looking for our own place’ stage in their life, paying bills is not fun. It’s depressing and soul destroying and the only consolation is that you have a roof over your head and place to call your own. 

Week 26 – My brother’s wedding!

This at least I remember, for two wonderful reasons – my big brother finally got married and just wow, the wedding was absolutely gorgeous. Vicki looked absolutely stunning and my brother handsome and yeah, I’m sure I cried when she walked down the aisle. Is that normal at a wedding? I can’t differentiate between what’s a normal way to react to things and what’s the pregnant way to react. But anyway, here we are, mammy and daddy.. whilst you are still so very very tiny and growing in there.. 

The second and probably what should be the less important reason as to why I actually remember 26 weeks pregnant, was that when we did go to the wedding, we all decided to stay over in the premier inn in Newcastle. Sounds pretty basic right? Maybe we’re just easily pleased.. but WOW. I died and went to heaven the moment I crawled into that bed that night, it was that amazing. The most comfortable bed ever and the first full, uninterrupted, comfortable night’s sleep in a very long time. That’s right, this much joy over one night’s sleep. Is this what I had to look forward to, disturbed nights that were inevitably going to get worse? I think back then I didn’t realise just how much I should have appreciated sleep, god knows how I’ll cope with a screaming baby keeping us up. 

Perfectly topped off with an all you can eat breakfast on the morning, followed by a look round the Sunday market on the river side where I was able to buy some very cute baby gingerbread men that looked like babies – that’s right, I bought some ginger babies. Because oh, the irony.  

Brilliant weekend full of small pleasures. Keep them coming. 

Oh and before I forget, my bump finally starting to protrude a little.. 

 

Week 16+1 – Give it a rest, hormones.

This seems like a stupid title for me because actually, the hormones thing hasn’t really kicked in and there’s only been one or two momentous occasions of ridiculous emotions flying everywhere, except for right now.

Right now it’s half two in the morning (hardly the perfect sleeping pattern for growing a child in you I’d imagine) and I’m lying awake in bed undecided, yes actually undecided, as to whether I’m going to flood myself with tears and make my face sore until I inevitably succumb to sleep which I have so far been quite deprived of (thanks OH!) ORRRRR, get so fuming and angry that I actually want to kick and scream and bite something and punch something. Quite honestly I’m leaning towards the latter, but given it being this late and there people in this house who aren’t pregnant who feel exactly the same and crazy and are absolutely f-ing mental right now, we’ll just have to put a pin on that one.

All of this, and it’s pretty much unjustified, apart from the fact that it’s been a crappy and very hectic weekend of work. I’m feeling downer than ever right now.

#nobody #gives #a #sh

Laterrrrrs.

Week 11+2 – BOREDOM.

Honestly, I don’t know whether I’m just incredibly bored being off work all week, or it’s just because I’ve been waiting for the last seventeen days.. for the scan tomorrow. Oh, THE SCAN IS TOMORROW. Wow, I don’t know whether I’m scared, excited or just a little numb about the whole thing actually. I can’t quite grasp the concept that tomorrow at 3pm I’ll be going to the hospital to have goo dolloped on my belly, and some stranger looking at my baby before I get to, might I add. I think a little part of me is fully expecting to go there and find out that actually, there’s nothing there, or whatever was inhabiting me, has ceased to and has vacated the premises because actually, my womb doesn’t resemble the egyptian beach holiday it was hoping for. I know that sounds awful, but that’s what I’m worried about and I’m trying to be realistic in case that happens. Lets face it, I’ll be devastated and sobbing quite a lot. I’ve grown strangely attached to this little tadpole peanut jelly bean thing growing inside of me, or at least the idea of this thing being a baby eventually, being loved and adored and hopefully being well behaved and the cutest thing ever. But oddly enough, despite wanting everything to be okay and being worried, I still can’t quite grasp that this is happening. There’s very little to convince me.. aside from the now three missing monthly witches, the throwing up, nausea and indigestion. 

Actually, on that note, just this morning I was saying to my mam that it looks like the sickness has stopped (not that I’ve had a lot regardless) and it’s just the nausea. This was about five minutes after I’d had a yoghurt, and about two small mouthfuls of chicken noodles, before I threw it all up. Irony loves me what can I say. Since then I’ve eaten two mince pies and a custard doughnut from greggs though, so all is well, not healthy, but well.

That’s all I have to report for now, my hopes and fears, boredom and sickness. How wonderful. Maybe I’ll update tomorrow with info from the scan and a pic hopefully!