Honestly, I don’t know whether I’m just incredibly bored being off work all week, or it’s just because I’ve been waiting for the last seventeen days.. for the scan tomorrow. Oh, THE SCAN IS TOMORROW. Wow, I don’t know whether I’m scared, excited or just a little numb about the whole thing actually. I can’t quite grasp the concept that tomorrow at 3pm I’ll be going to the hospital to have goo dolloped on my belly, and some stranger looking at my baby before I get to, might I add. I think a little part of me is fully expecting to go there and find out that actually, there’s nothing there, or whatever was inhabiting me, has ceased to and has vacated the premises because actually, my womb doesn’t resemble the egyptian beach holiday it was hoping for. I know that sounds awful, but that’s what I’m worried about and I’m trying to be realistic in case that happens. Lets face it, I’ll be devastated and sobbing quite a lot. I’ve grown strangely attached to this little tadpole peanut jelly bean thing growing inside of me, or at least the idea of this thing being a baby eventually, being loved and adored and hopefully being well behaved and the cutest thing ever. But oddly enough, despite wanting everything to be okay and being worried, I still can’t quite grasp that this is happening. There’s very little to convince me.. aside from the now three missing monthly witches, the throwing up, nausea and indigestion.
Actually, on that note, just this morning I was saying to my mam that it looks like the sickness has stopped (not that I’ve had a lot regardless) and it’s just the nausea. This was about five minutes after I’d had a yoghurt, and about two small mouthfuls of chicken noodles, before I threw it all up. Irony loves me what can I say. Since then I’ve eaten two mince pies and a custard doughnut from greggs though, so all is well, not healthy, but well.
That’s all I have to report for now, my hopes and fears, boredom and sickness. How wonderful. Maybe I’ll update tomorrow with info from the scan and a pic hopefully!